2/5/2018 – Mooterart From Around The Internet

I’m torn about what to do. I feel like I need a prominent Mooterus at the top of the page and Mooterus accents everywhere. I would happily take one of the many you can find with Google.

The problem there is theft. I feel like that would risk a lawsuit from the Stars. I don’t want to get sued  Then again getting sued for ripping off a Mooterus is very much On Brand and might make it all worth it.

I can’t imagine anyone has the word “Mooterus” trademarked. There is no way the Stars do because they don’t even acknowledge the jersey, and the term isn’t “official” anyway. Plus if an outside force tried to trademark it there almost certainly would be a lawsuit. I feel like I’m pretty safe using it as gratuitously as possible though I’m no lawyer.

I hit Google looking for inspiration and ideas. Mooterus artwork and Mooterus themed drawings are pretty common. If you aren’t familiar with the Mooterus (for one, why are you here?) this is it in all of it’s glory:

Dallas-Stars-logo-2003-06

If you’re unfamiliar with why it is colloquially referred to as the Mooterus that’s because it bears a stunning resemblance to the female reproductive system:

Uterus

Professionals have tried to make the logo less fun by removing the red to make the original jersey more aesthetically pleasing and On Brand for the Stars. Hockey By Design did this for some reason:

Screen-Shot-2017-06-09-at-2.21.14-PM.png

It just doesn’t look right.

A couple of enterprising individuals tried to mock up a Stars third jersey with an up to date Mooterus. This one appears to be done by a scholar named Coby Schoolman. Boffo work.

CobySchoolman-DAL (2)

We also have a fine piece of Photoshopping that shows us what the Victory Greem jersey looks like Mooterized.

mooterus2

I appreciate the invention. I appreciate the creativity. These people clearly have their priorities in order and know how things should be. I salute them.

I need the dedication of those who decided to draw Mooteri. Imagine the dedication needed to craft a Mooterus from crayon, ink pen, marker, paint, or charcoal. I think this one is watercolor and I would love to discuss the work with the artist to understand their motivations and goals with the piece.

mooterus_by_ashtonmack-db97kvlAs much as I love the effort and work my favorite depiction has been saved for last. This artist put so much thought and effort into their work. The MS Paint craftsmanship is unparalleled. I’m in love.

iwG0WWu

If any of the last two artists see this I would love to talk to you. Your work is phenomenal. I am beyond moved and inspired.

I still don’t know what to do for a logo or a banner, but I do now know that the precedent of hand drawing one is out there. It remains to be seen which direction I go. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. If you would like to offer up your own rendition of the Mooterus I would love to see it too. Thank you for your courage should you decide to share one.

Hey, click these

2/4/2018 – Tyler Seguin’s 25th Goal
2-4-2018 A Hockey Rink is a Hockey Rink and a Game is a Game
2/3/18 – The Conservative NHL and Mooterus Culture
2/2/18 – A New Hope

2/3/2018 The Conservative NHL and Mooterus Culture

There is nothing wrong with the Mooterus.

I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t care. It’s in the URL. I announced that this was a safe space in the very first thing I wrote. The Mooterus, the Executive Board of Directors of The Mooterati, all donors, all intellectual supporters of the Mooterus, The Mooterus Appreciation Society, Mooterus Historical Society, and all those who support our cause are welcome here.

Many find the Mooterus to be aesthetic anthrax. I’m not here to convince those people that the Stars need to have red in their color scheme or that they should have a giant bull for a crest. A bull makes as much sense as The Big Dipper anyway. When is the last time you saw a bull in Dallas anyway? The Stockyards are in Fort Worth.

Honestly if you want a constellation I’ll draw a bunch of scribbly-ass lines on a document in MS Paint and we can have an NHL Rorschach Test jersey for the next Stars third jersey. The pictures are made up and make no sense anyway.

The Mooterus is simply fun. Third jerseys are supposed to be fun. Sports in general are supposed to be fun. Yeah, the Mooterus is funny because it looks like a female reproductive system, but that adds to the charm.

The NHL is largely the sport of middle to upper class whites with a more conservative lean the higher the age goes up which causes an internal conflict with the need to attract as many young fans as possible. No one under 25, maybe under 30, wants to watch Bryan Adams, Billy Idol, Goo Goo Dolls, or KISS perform. Yet, these are just some of the recent examples of performers the NHL has hired for their marquee events.

When the NHL actually tries to be progressive people lose their shit and they retreat back into a cave of conservative boring presentation. The initial third jerseys got kid me interested. I loved the flaming horse’s head in Calgary. The Burger King jersey still makes me laugh. Who doesn’t enjoy the tacky as all hell Blues jersey? Or the Gorton’s Fish Stick jersey?

I still remember watching the NHL Draft the first time I saw that Flames jersey to this day. I thought it was so cool as a kid. How often do you remember where you were the first time you saw a jersey?

My biggest gripe with the NHL is that collectively they take themselves too seriously. They have a stuffy image they want to uphold. The last two years they’ve tried to be more “new age” with their All Star game jerseys. Of course they were ugly. They weren’t targeting you, the person seeking out an unread blog on a small corner of the internet. They were targeting kids. Kids love tacky and bright things.

The Mooterus is shunned in much the same way. I’m not saying it needs to be a regular jersey or worn during any game, but shunning it does nothing to get rid it. The Mooterus is history. No matter if the Stars move to Mexico City and drape themselves in red, green, and white they will always have the Mooterus in their history. They may as well embrace it.

This petition is on the first page of Google when you search Mooterus. You should sign it.

https://www.change.org/p/dallas-stars-the-dallas-stars-should-wear-the-mooterus-jersey-for-at-least-one-game-in-the-2019-season

Hey, click this

2/2/18 – A New Hope