Imagine your favorite team has made the NHL Playoffs. You’re so excited to get to a game. Maybe it’s the first time you’ve taken a game in. You want to cheer and go full tilt. Perhaps you get a little trashed. To really accent the mood of the moment you sneak a rotting catfish into the area attached to your torso with the intent of throwing it onto the ice to celebrate (????) a goal with the help of your parents.
This is the Nashville way. People do this. People also record educational videos explaining how to make this happen.Let us learn together.
First we need to meet the hero of our story: Catfish Cody. He appears to wear the number 69 on his customized mustard jersey. I feel like the number really fits and sets the scene in a way no other number could. It truly is a nice jersey. We will eventually meet his parents which I feel really seals the mood he was going for in the video.
Catfish Cody takes great care to dry the fish in the parking lot. I appreciate his dedication to food handling standards as he dries this catfish on, *checks notes*, the ground. A lot of effort is being taken to dry this fish with paper towels. We’re talking 20 seconds or so.
Why? Are we worried about bacteria? It’s a dead fish exposed to the elements and soon to be strapped to your body. Is this supposed to minimize the smell? What is the endgame here? What is the purpose? Just wrap the fish. This took a good 20 seconds of video time.
And he does! During the course of the video Catfish Cody will use almost an entire box of Saran Wrap.
Mr. Cody took damn near a minute to wrap this fish. Again I ask, why? What are we protecting? Wrap the damn fish.
More Saran Wrap was used to attach the fish to his body. I take it back: he used an entire box easily.
His parents showed up to help attach the fish. Both allowed themselves to be seen on camera.
They must be overcome with emotion as they send their son off, the pride and joy of their family, their offspring, a product of their love and a symbol of the legal obligation these two people made to each other in the name of matrimony, to throw a fucking fish on the ice at a professional hockey game.
Just to prove it was All Worth It, our hero Catfish Cody #69 had a camera person who was totally not a parent sit several rows behind him to record the Throwing Of The Fish.
And we aren’t even celebrating a goal. We’re so overcome with emotion at the singing of the national anthem that we launch a catfish onto the ice. How disrespectful can you be to the anthem?
These colors don’t run and these lyrics say nothing about throwing catfish!
Now you know how to sneak a catfish into Bridgestone Arena and make your parents proud while wearing a #69 jersey. Good luck for game two.