4/25/19 – Previewing Round Two, Correctly

Hello. There are many talented people who watch the Stars. Many of them Grew Up and can no longer consistently write. One of the Blessings of Mooterati is that they will always have a Safe Space to share their thoughts.

Allow @ObsceneAlex , veteran of the Conference III wars, to get us ready for the Stars to head to St. Louis tonight.

After selflessly ending Nashville’s season to save hockey fans from having to look at psychedelic baby shit-colored jerseys for another playoff round, the Stars earned a chance to temporarily rest and recharge. That reprieve ends today, as they head to the dystopian wasteland known as St. Louis for round two.

We’ll find out soon what the second round will hold for Dallas, but what we do know is that no matter what happens, St. Louis can’t win the Cup. After losing back to back to back Finals appearances in their first three years of existence because the West Division was entirely made up of terrible expansion teams, they’ve never been back—in over 50 years of trying. Blues players know their best shot at winning is to leave town. This “I need to get out of here” sentiment is also contagious and sometimes bleeds over into other parts of the city.

The downtrodden St. Louis sports fans don’t seem to know the difference though, and remain in a blissful state of ignorance and hope. After all, in the “Show Me” state, Missourians need to be shown things to believe them. When their dreams are inevitably crushed each year, fans shave their playoff beards, drown their sorrows in local urine and stress-eat the melted plastic cheese flavored with liquid smoke on top of crackers concoction that they lovingly call pizza.

Will Dallas be the team that crushes that hope this year? We don’t know yet, but it’s inevitable that somebody will. What we do hope is that the higher being the city’s massive carrying handle was designed for doesn’t show up to carry St. Louis back to the hellhole it came from while the Stars are there.

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