3/3/19 – A Product Review

Sometimes I don’t understand the Dallas Stars. Often they do things openly hostile to fun on and off the ice. I feel like there was a slight sea change last year when the Stars released the Mooterus Acknowledgement Video, but I may just be grasping at uterian straws trying to give them credit.

Then close to a month ago with no fanfare, no noticeable promotional efforts of any kind, and no real acknowledgment the Stars released this hat at The Hangar at the American Airlines Center.

The Glorious Hat

I can’t find any record of it anywhere online. I have seen zero vendors selling it. It ostensibly only exists in The Hangar. When I bought it the cashier even asked me if this was a new hat. No one seems to know what the hell it is or where the hell it came from.

From looking at the inside of the hat you can tell its a new item. The Stars new-ish font is used on the seam covers. 

Everything about the hat is just unpleasant. It’s very shiny. It was shiny to the point that I was curious what it is made of. Sure enough, Bangladesh Polyester.

It cost 34 dollars. It doesn’t breathe. The hat causes visceral reactions in people when they see it. On the concourse I heard someone commenting about the two Mooterai walking in front of me. I said to him “I know, they’re great”. His response? He screamed and said “you got the hat!”

And all of this seems fitting for the Mooterus. The hat is everything people think of when they think of a Mooterus: uncomfortable, visibly unappealing, and provocative.

Maybe that’s why it works.

I salute whoever thought this was a good idea. You won’t sell many of these, but one day I would like to shake your hand for having the courage to stick this among the assorted Stars camo and trucker hats.

I have a hard time thinking the Stars had anything to do with this, but in my mind this is a little test run to see if anyone buys it before the Stars finally embrace their past again*.

*Disclaimer: there’s no way that’s true, but a man can dream.

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